lavished

When I think of the word lavished as it is used in Ephesians I think of the blessings God has given me but also the friends He has lavished me with. I know I have waxed on about this previously but today my very special friend Sophie came over and we confessed, prayed, cried and really cared for each others' issues. We are both married with kids and challenges. We have different lives and backgrounds but we have Christ in common and I believe with my whole heart that she was a gift to me from God as He is helping me to replace my other friends with godly friends. She is a jewel and I know we will remain friends until we are old and ugly. Ha, I hope we live in the same city forever. Both of us are growing daily in our challenges and today the Lord was with us because He promised that where two or more gather in His name He would be there and He was. I already feel His presence on me right now and I thank him for using her to bring awareness and wisdom to me. She reminds what I know and teaches me what I don't know. Everyone should have a friend like her. I told her about this blog and would let her see it but then if I knew she had access I would feel like I was writing to her and I need continued ability to write completely free from that for now. Besides that she would feel compelled to give feedback and that is not what this is about. Anyway, she and I really talked heart to heart about our struggles without judgment or self consciousness and that is what we need to do if Christ is in the middle. I pray for our continued friendship and our struggles that we face daily. Jesus, You are the Master and You are in Control of all. Please be with us as we travel down this earthly road. Give me eyes that see only you when I am tempted to sin and fall into Satan's tricks. I love You and AMEN!!

top 10 prayers today

1 The horrendous conditions and situation in Haiti. It is not bigger than God so I pray for continued miracles, intervention, and for people to keep coming to help without getting in the way. I pray for the suffering, loneliness, dying, and utter human pain. I pray for selfish and self absorbed people to look and feel the pain that others are feeling. I pray for their discomfort and for anything spiritual they might be experiencing to have some meaning they want to explore. May we all grow from witnessing this.

2 For my husband and my marriage. Marty's anxiety issue is creating so many problems at home. My response doesn't always help. I pray for submission, modeling to my daughter and that Marty will fall on his knees and find happiness in the only True way. Marty is very unhappy, often stressed and continues to question why? Please, Lord, pursue him with no let up. Get him. Use me or not but get him.

3 My young daughter as a result has gotten combative with him. I pray for her to apply what she knows about Jesus to her daily behavior and I pray to be a spiritual leader to her. A positive encourager. I pray for my patience with her and her humility in responding her her parents and living in front of her God.

4 My step children and their partners; my siblings and their spouses who aren't saved and for all my extended family who aren't saved. I pray for miracles in their lives and for Christians to cross their paths. I pray for God in his sovereignty to find them and reel them in on their knees recognizing their need. I also include all my non believing friends who think they don't need any thing related to Christ; they really have no real need or rather don't recognize the spiritual famine they are in.

5 For my friend Bea and her husband who is recovering in the hospital. For their children and that this week things will settle down for them now that they have an aunt at their home caring for them.

6 My spiritual growth. Teach me Lord to want to drift only toward you. Thank you for the discernment I have but help me to use the winnowing fork like you did to separate what is not about you vs what is all about you. Help me with my idols and to give up any notion of taking credit for anything I might do. I pray Lord for humility and wisdom. Remove any desire I have to get attention and cover me in a blanket of modesty, submission, and pierce any pride that puts a barrier between us.

7 Lord, I pray for my church and for all churches that are YOUR church. I pray that the church only speaks Your Truth and that Christians never strive to do other than to live a Christian life that honors you every single day. I pray that everyone is discipled with Your Word and gets the instruction they need from other godly Christ followers. Without instruction, encouragement, reading Your Word we can get complacant and that will be the death of the church. Please Lord bring Christians to their knees daily and help us with Your Great Commission.

8 Jesus, I have always had compassion for people who are lonely or rejected/neglected by others. I pray Lord for you to comfort these individuals and to show them who You are so they can find joy in knowing You. Please place people like this in my path if I can help them. Nudge me if I am contributing to their sorrows. Help me make someone's day.

9 Also Lord, I pray for a strong desire to do Your will. That I might not seek or want anything that is not of Your will or does not glorify You. I recognize I do my own thing a lot but thank you for helping me to see it when I do. I love your nudges, please don't let me ignore you. I want to do Your will because I know You know what is best for me even if I don't understand it at the time.

10 Lastly Lord, I am sorry for my sins. I know I hurt You when I don't submit to you or my husband or have thoughts and actions that go against what you have designed for me to live within as a Christian and follower of Your Son. I thank you for all your blessings in my life daily. Help me to pass them on. Thank you for your mercy and grace. I love you and my prayer is to joyfully serve You as You will.

Amen

friends helping friends

I love helping my friends when I get the opportunity. It's like what I wrote before, I want to be used. And all of us do yet we have a hard time allowing others to do things for us. Anyway, my friend Bea's husband was shot last weekend; he is a cop. He will be okay but got 5 bullets and need a couple surgeries. They have 4 kids. I spent a day trying to figure out what hospital he was in so I could find Bea. I really just wanted to offer her support while she is dealing with this sudden change to her life's agenda. I mean it is huge. So I found her yesterday and we talked and I brought her food and helped her plan some things for the week. But it was chaotic. I will help her more toward the end of the week and on the weekend. And I can pray for her.

New topic, things are stressful at home with my step daughter still here from the holidays. She is leaving soon and it's time for her to go. I wish we were close but we have nothing in common at all. I don't even know who she is. She is not someone I would choose as a friend just knowing what I know and who I have observed. It's something Marty and I do agree on. He is grieving "losing" her because she is nothing like she used to be when she was little or who we thought she would become. No details but suffice it to say that it is sad and I wish I didn't have envy for others who really love and enjoy their young adult daughters.

being used

I think God has used me. And I love the very idea!! Being used is a purpose and I want to have purpose. I love how He is sovereign and makes things work out so we can help each other and be useful to each other for the purpose of glorifying Him. Case in point, I have a very sweet and good friend at church whom I will call Caryn. Caryn called me in tears the other night asking for advice and support regarding a pretty serious situation with her 29 year old son and his family. His situation is about what I do for a living and she didn't know who else to call. Well turns out he decided to take up matters as to the solving of his problem with me professionally and the family came to see me at work so I could get them the help they need and some counseling too. I do believe that God's hand was in that and I love that these people came to me for help and I was able to provide the beginning of that help. All of the results will be in God's hands but if I can be used as a tool for them to start the road to healing then I am forever grateful to have that opportunity. I also had lunch with another friend, Dana who brought a co worker who just started attending my church. Dana wanted us to meet so that her friend, Cindy, would get to know someone from the church. Turns out Cindy has a husband who doesn't share her faith and beliefs either. Another instance where I can be used to serve a purpose in someone else's life. Maybe her just having a contact will encourage her to keep coming and making more friends. I was able to make suggestions and encourage her to get involved. It was great. Now if I could only get Dana to visit my church--she is Catholic but fortunately I believe she is a saved one.

Keep using me God for your purposes. Please put people and situations in my path that I can help, influence, love or otherwise through whom I can bring glory to You.

self absorption

I have been absorbed with the concept of self aborption. The opposite of that is 'consideration for' or 'doing for others' or being 'other focused'. Off of ourselves. awareness of others and other things. maturity. insight. reaching out and ultimately glorifying God with our arms outstretched. To HIM. Keeping eyes on Christ. That's what I strive for and when I see the ugly characteristic of self absorption in others it is a reminder to avoid it at all costs. It is so ugly and embarrassing to see others who are. And then I examine myself. How am I self absorbed? Do I bring attention to myself and if so How? Always good questions. I try to catch myself or ask myself what is my motive for doing or saying something specific? To get attention? Yuck. I have been guilty of that. I cringe now if I catch myself. That is the Spirit in me and thank You God for that awareness. I would rather cringe at myself than be oblivious with my own need to get attention.

I know some people close to me who are really into themselves and it pains me. It hurts and it's scares me that they won't improve if they don't get Christ in their lives to take the focus off. So many Americans are this way. Narcissism is so bad and it will destroy the fabric of relational life. Who wants to be friends or invest in people who are this way? Prayer is the only answer for these difficult things. I have been praying for them.

The only cure to loneliness, depression, self pity or anything like those is to reach out to others and do for others. The self absorbed people I know only reach out if they think they are being watched! What a contradiction!! Otherwise they have no desire to help others and reach out to them. They are too busy thinking of themselves or aiming the mirror or camera at themselves and admiring themselves. Narcissism is the need to be admired, not the need to be liked. It is healthier to want to be liked.

Jesus, please forgive me for my own level of self absorption. Please remove any desire I have that removes any glory from You onto me. Without You, I am nothing. I want to glorify You in all my actions. No glory for self, only You. Make me aware when I look for attention or admiration. I love You. Eyes on You. Not on me.

reading

Reading is my passion. I could never be bored if there is something to read. Right now I am reading about 7 books at once (plus the paper, things online, etc) and have a list of other books to read. Shopping at Title Wave and collecting the books I want to read is a favorite pasttime. I love it. I read equal parts Christian inspiration/God/Faith books and travel/fiction/other books. I also read the bible and devotional books. My reading used to be a huge item of contention at bed time. I guess I can see this but it was THE time I had to read. I hated sacrificing it to be social or sexual when all day long HE was not social or sexual. My thought was why should I be at night if he isn't during the day? Very immature but it was how I felt. Anyway, books and their stories feed me the way drugs or movies feed other people. I like movies but will always choose to read over seeing one. Currently I am reading the life story of Amy Carmichael, a novel in a series set in Mitford, a travel book about the Appalachian Trail (and I have laughed my guts out too), a parenting book, and a couple others. Some I read more than others but they are all by my bed with my bibles and devotions. Often on Mother's Day I will ask for the whole day just to read and to be left alone. It's always what I seem to need to do. The reason for that is that I get to do it very little. Once I get home from work and make dinner and do chores and take care of the child it is pretty much a gone day. Weekends are spent doing more chores, errands, working out and some socializing. Reading is always lowest on the to do list yet highest on the prefer list. And so it goes... Happy reading this new year...