Ignorance truly is bliss

I love that I am ignorant of the stupidity of politics in this country. I have no desire to get caught up in the muck beyond prayer I suppose. I can only hope that God will just keep His hand over the big messes we get ourselves in politically. And that He rises up righteous leaders who will not cave to sinful, unrighteous ways. This is a prayer worth praying always as well as praying for those who lead who were not stained by the corrupt process of just getting in.

ebooks

I have bought a digital book to start loading books (you can still only read one at at a time) and I really like it. I have been loading books by Christian writers and just want to continue feeding myself in all those areas. Some are about the bible, books of the bible or about the Christian life. There are so many great things written about God and His Son and how to live the Christian life. Truly it's not a How To so much as stories of how others have done it and what their experiences are. Testimony and the answers to others' prayers are always so life filling and make me want to hear more of how Christ has touched others.

In the Bible, I have been reading the book of John and just taking it in small pieces to really savor it. I am just in awe of the words of the Bible and how it all fits together. It is such a miracle. In my digital book, I am reading God Wrote a Book which explains the veracity of the Bible and am reading it to help me when others say dumb things about the bible.

Thank you Lord, for the constant shining of Your light onto us who love and follow you. I am still reading other books too and just can't find enough time! But I am most happy when I am reading about God, His story, His Son and what that means for me. I just have to keep my eyes focused on Him at all times and all else will fall into place.

feeling more hopeful

I went and visited my Pastor and discussed my marital discontent and he really inspired me to see it from a more spiritual perspective and it was very helpful. Presently, Marty is in Europe now for 7 weeks and my daughter and I have some time home to just kind of enjoy it without all the dually aimed darts that are thrown around here. My Pastor helped to understand some things regarding my sin at home and how God is perfecting me through my marriage and its trials. It does help me cope. And then today the sermon at church was all about meekness which is sustained humility and it was very inspiring. He also said that being angry is the opposite of meekness and in being angry with our family or things in general, we open ourselves up to satan's interfering which just makes things worse. Amen to that.

Anyway, overall, I feel good, spring is here and Marty is giving us a much needed break from his brand of daily demeanor. He has kept in touch and that is all good.

7 weeks

In about 24 hours Marty leaves on a 7 week trip he has planned for over 2 years. It's about time. A year ago he had to cancel due to being sick and surgery. It got moved to a year later and now we are here. It has been a long time in coming and he is so one minded about it that it has been hard to talk with him about anything else. He isn't interested in much else unless it's about the house issues or lists he has been preparing for me so I can get along okay without him. I am blessed that he does all that. But I think I am ready for a break in this marriage and the stress that goes with it. Nevertheless, we went out for dinner tonight and have had a nice evening. Despite ALL the problems, I will miss him and he said the same. Just because our marriage is a minefield (or a land fill) doesn't mean we won't miss each other.

It will be good for my daughter and me to live more casually but I will have to stay on top of all his chores and responsibilities. I plan on dedicating certain times to focusing on those and then I won't be so prone to putting things off. My daughter and I continue to have power struggles though I am trying to teach her the ways of a Christian walk and am constantly praying for my own walk. I intend to do devotionals with her once he is gone since it's so hard while he is home. We must make use of our time for sure.

Next week I will be meeting with my Pastor regarding issues with my marriage and my thoughts about coping and being biblical in that coping.

mentally exhausted

I never seem to have time to just sit and write here. I am so tired every night and work lately has just been killing me. Very mentally exhausting given the people I see and the problems I deal with daily. Then I come home and fight with my daughter (she is a little devil most of the time) and deal with my horrible marriage. It's just not fun but were it not for God and His Son with me I don't know what I would do. I love that God is using me at work so much lately. I have asked for it and now I am paying for it! It is a good tired because I get much accomplished and I do help others who are in crisis. Their crises keep my issues in perspective. Maybe that is part of the reason I have these encounters. The people I help are desperate, homeless, addicted and at the end of their life's rope. I wish I could help them all and help them more but I love that I can start them in the right direction. Then I have 9 staff all of whom need something every day. And then I get about 50-60 emails most of which need answering or an action taken. On top of just the duties/tasks I have to do that are always there. Some days I can't even find the time to pee or look out my window or make a personal call. Then at 5 I rush home, take daughter somewhere or make dinner or do laundry or all 3, then work out, then get groceries, makes lunches, fold clothes, read paper, do lap top and fall into bed. All the while dealing with the conflicts in the house and trying to figure out who or what I am neglecting or forgetting. Then I get about a 30 minute time when I can read what I want and this is my most favorite time of the day. Reading is so relaxing to me. Then I sleep well usually and in the morning that whole routine starts which I really am sick of and the day starts again. I will say that I enjoy driving in and driving home. That is pretty relaxing to me too. Driving often is. Oh well, time to hit the sack after I clean up the kitchen. Spring break for the next 10 days and I am taking some time off to entertain the little one. Yay! Hope work can survive without me. :)