as good as it gets

It's after TG and we went a lodge and stayed in a cabin. Someone asked if we had a good time and I said the only true answer I could: as good as it gets. By that I mean that it's never fully a good time where my husband is concerned though he does try. And not that I don't try or my daughter to have our own good time because we can't blame everything bad on him. It's easier to have a good time with him away from our home than it is at home. But still, it is a challenge anyway. He is not a happy man so therefore it is hard to have fun or feel relaxed around people who fight their depression, anxiety and other demons. And on top of that he is in denial he has these issues. It's all one big snow ball. But I am glad I had the idea and we went. It's better than being home where we argue more and it's better than faking things with other people. Much rather be with strangers. We did relax, read, played scrabble,sled and I snowshoed. It was white and pretty. I wanted us to share 3 specific things we are thankful for each other but he didn't want to do that. Then I was discouraged and forgot to push it when we were in the room. Sometimes it gets so lonely inside my family. It breaks my heart to see my daughter work so hard to get her dad's attention and see him be such a butt head about it all the time. Being that he is a perfectionist not I nor her can ever please him enough. After so many years, you quit trying and I remember his older daughter saying that. She has been so damaged by his lack of appreciation for anything. Nothing is good enough but our little TG adventure was as good as it gets. It could have been worse but it was okay. I pray God has more for us some day.

What I am grateful for: God in my life, being saved, my husband, daughter, step kids, having a home, car, job/income, friends, church, mother, extended family, excellent health, humor, organization, goals, hopes, dreams, insight, love, compassion, understanding, wisdom, freedom and ability to use all of these things to benefit others as I can. I pray that God's purpose in my life contintues to be revealed and that I indeed make a difference to others in ways that He shows me each day. I pray that first and foremost, next to Him, that my focus is on my marriage and what I can do to make it glorify the One that can heal it.