It's not too often I get two days in a row where I can write in this journal. I am on the couch with Pandora playing my favorite music, food in the crock pot and a quiet home. Bliss. It doesn't take much to make me happy and this sure does. I love being home alone almost as much as I love anything. It is work to be around my family just as I assume it is for them to be around me too. It's just peaceful and I can't savor it enough.
Today I did not go to my bible study. I went to the grocery store instead and got things for a dusty crockpot I just got out. Dinner can be such a pain to me so I need to make it easier. But I digress. I skipped out on my bible study/Sunday school because I just needed to pray which I did before the groceries and afterwards. I went into the music room at church and looked up those verses in 1 Peter and 1 Corinthians that point to being with unbelieving husband and I really needed to focus on them. This is God's will for my life and so I wrote them down and will continue to read them and know them. And I prayed to walk the walk He wants me to in my life to better cope with my situation. I also just didn't want to go because it does get hard being with other women who have godly husbands and godly children. I know I am not supposed to compare myself but I really see how much I am a spiritual infant compared to them and I don't need to feel worse. They would be horrified if they knew what I had going on at my home.
But I also need to be careful not to make this issue an idol. I don't want to spend more time focused on my dilemmas and situation with Marty than it warrants. God comes first, not the problems I pray for. Anyway, walking my walk involves but is not limited to my reactions and responses to Marty when I am so provoked by his actions and statements to me. Jesus did not respond to people like that who said things to him that were outright hateful. I have to have supernatural, spirit filled veins of God's warmth to not respond to Marty in a sarcastic, demeaning or barely disguised disdaining way. I can't profess to love Christ and then be disgusted with my own husband. I must love him no matter what. NO MATTER WHAT. It is an act of the will and I would like it be more of an act of the spirit so it is not of my flesh because as I said yesterday that is why I fail.
So I might have skipped Sunday School but I got a lot out of my alone time and may do it again. Any time I have to myself that is quiet is good for me--to pray, to think, to write or to read the Bible. Any time like that is really bliss.
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